she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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