so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
