But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
