Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
