R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I faked an abortion last night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
