I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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