I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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