Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
