would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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