I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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