how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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