Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
