3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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