I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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