it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
