Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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