bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
