im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
