I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
