I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
