i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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