haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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