I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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