I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the day after is always just damage control
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
