my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When are your genitals available?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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