That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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