imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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