dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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