So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
