you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
