Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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