my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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