Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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