i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
