My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
