White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
