I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
