It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so much tequila, so little girl.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
