I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
