So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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