how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you never un-have a 4some
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