So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
