i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
