I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As shirtless as possible
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
