Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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