i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
