Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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