well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
