CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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