Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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