i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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