I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
