i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showed him my bush... on skype.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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