you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
