i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
